Setting out to find love can feel like setting out to run a marathon. You know that it can be rewarding because you’ve seen your friends do it (and LOVE it), but the thought of doing something so unknown is daunting. You might go back and forth about whether this is really for you (if you’re not sure, read my last blog). After a lot of consideration, you think, “hey, I’m ready to set my fears aside and see what can happen.” But just like running a marathon, you don’t need to explore the world of online dating without a little training and a few tips from those who have gone before you. (Also, for my marathon friends, don’t get excited, I will most definitely not be running 26.2 miles any time soon.)
Pay attention to your profile
Like it or not, first impressions matter – especially in online dating. At best, you have a handful of sentences and pictures that can capture the attention of a potential suitor. At worst, you have one photo. So make it a good one. Pick a mix high-quality photos that showcase who you are – individual photos, photos with friends and photos doing what you love.
A few suggestions for things to steer clear of:
Group photos where they can’t figure out which one you are. It’s a real shame if they swipe right thinking you’re another person.
Selfies in the bathroom, gym, car or bed. I know you want to show off your muscles, but that’s not the way.
Blurry photos. They wanna see that cute face in focus.
Memes. Seriously, it’s a thing and it’s not helping anyone.
Once you’ve got the photos, it’s time to give your bio some love. The bio gives context for the photos and can either really help or really hurt you. You can tell a lot from someone’s bio. First and foremost, you can tell if they actually tried. If a man can’t make the effort to summarize himself in a few sentences, you better believe he’s not going to make the effort to treat me well on a first date. You can also quickly tell what they deem as the most important pieces of information about themselves. If you don’t see the things that are most important to you reflected in those first few sentences, move along.
Know what you want – or don’t
When I first started online dating, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted in a man. A handsome guy who loved God, played guitar, was sensitive but strong, loved long walks on the beach … you know, all the clichés. As I started dating however, I quickly learned that I really had no idea what I was looking for. I also learned that some of the things I thought were on the top of the checklist were not so important and learned to define the character traits that were non-negotiables.
When you start online dating, it’s important to have at least some idea about the character traits you’re looking for in a partner and know what your deal breakers are. But it’s also important to approach dating in a way that allows you to better understand yourself and what kinds of things you find attractive in a partner. Be open to change, but know what your limits are.
Pace yourself
While it’s flattering and entertaining to be talking to a handful of people at once, it can also be overwhelming. Speaking from experience, going on three or four dates in a week doesn’t allow you the space to pursue any one of those relationships. Not to mention, it can get difficult remembering who you told which story to – or even what their name is if you’re juggling too many relationships. Been there. Done that. Whoops.
Generally, I give myself a maximum of three conversations I can be having with different men at one time. If I match with three people that I’m interested in talking to, I simply won’t keep swiping until I’ve fully explored each of those three potential relationships.
Expect a lot of failure
Let me repeat that. You will go on bad dates. Potentially a lot of them. But one of the best things about online dating is your ability to learn more about yourself. Know that a bad date is not an indication of your dating eligibility and further – your self-worth. Having a strong sense of who you are is the foundation you need to put yourself out there, date after horrendous date, risking your heart, with the hope of finding love. When you do go out with that first jerk, get stood up, or simply sit through a boring evening of surface-level chatter, know that not every date will be like that. All it takes is for one great date to erase all the bad ones.
As Rascal Flatts likes to say, “God bless the broken road that led me straight to you.”
I could go on and on with anecdotes and tips for online dating. But, that’s what the rest of this blog is for. Stay tuned for more, and let me know if there’s anything specific you want me to write about!
