This one goes out to all my first-time online daters.
You’re not weird. Online dating is, but that doesn’t mean it’s something you shouldn’t do. Navigating the world of online dating isn’t for the faint of heart, but that’s why I’m here – to give you courage to dive in and take a chance with online-turned real life love.
We’re at a point where online dating isn’t a new concept anymore. Plenty of hopeful romantics are swiping left and right on a quest to find their true love – or their partner for a night. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean that it’s not terrifying. Trust me, I was there.
I swore I would never online date
My first year out of college, I was settling into adult life. First apartment, first career job, first car – and I realized I was ready for a first boyfriend too. For the first time in my life, I felt truly ready to set out to find my man – but I had no clue how to go about it. I had always told myself that I would never online date because it seemed so desperate. One day, I voiced these feelings to my friends and my straight-talking sister replied, “Kelsey, that’s really judgmental.” And she was right.
Society trains us to think that even desiring a relationship is desperate. We’re warned not to be the girl who mopes around the house waiting for prince charming to ride in on a white horse. We do everything we can to show that we’re strong, independent women who don’t need no man. While there’s a lot of value in being content in your singleness, it’s also completely healthy and normal to desire a partner. Shaming anyone for desiring something so natural is a disservice to both of you.
But is God cool with it?
As a Christian, I struggled with the idea of online dating. Once I got over my own stigma about it, I still wasn’t sure if it was something God wanted for me. I was ultimately worried that it meant I wasn’t trusting God with my dating life. I had this idea that the “godly” way of meeting my future spouse was synonymous with the old-fashioned way: in-person. As I started to think more about it, I realized that I was putting God in a box.
Trusting God for something means just that, trusting him. It doesn’t however, call us to passivity. When we desire something, we should take an active role in pursuing it – and there’s no right path to what God wants for us, so long as we’re listening to Him.
I’m still scared of [insert fear here]
Maybe I’ve convinced you, but maybe not. There are still a lot of things to fear about online dating. Perhaps the biggest underlying fear is that of being deceived or simply encountering the types of awful men that you’ve heard exist in the dark corners of the internet. However, for better or for worse, I’ve realized those fears are just as real in “real life” dating as they are online. The bottom line is this: dating is risky. I’m gonna be real with you. It likely will involve pain, embarrassment, heartbreak, frustration or deception – but isn’t that life? Putting yourself out there, meeting new people and being vulnerable in an attempt to find your future someone might not be easy, but I bet it will be worth it. And if it doesn’t work? At least you’ll have good stories to write a blog about 😉
As I like to say, you gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stay tuned for my next blog on how to get started online dating!
