Here’s my advice for the day: ladies, give more men your phone numbers.
Now, don’t get it twisted, I’m not telling you to go around giving your phone number to any boy who grabs your behind in the bar or catcalls you on the street. Remember who you are. But ladies, when there’s a handsome man that catches your eye – muster up the same amount of courage it takes to wear a skirt and crop top after a long winter and just go for it.
“But Kelsey, I have no idea how to slip my number to a guy. I don’t have that kind of game.”
Well I don’t either, but I’ll tell you a few quick stories about ways I’ve left my number so you can go boldly into the unknown, or at the very least, have a good laugh at my chutzpah.
Intro level: the tried and true business card. This is a good one if you’re not quite ready to commit to the vulnerability of blatantly expressing interest. You’re giving him a next step, but you can still tell yourself “it was just for business!” if you’re too nervous to otherwise make your move.
To the point: simply say “I’m going to give you my number.” Ask for his phone or give him yours with your phone book pulled up. Make the connection. This is usually a good one following a chance meeting – if you might not see him otherwise, might as well!
To the friend: let’s follow each other on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter! If you’re not sure where you stand but want a chance to explore, ask if you can connect on social. Open up those lines of communication.
Almost brave enough: leave your number. On a receipt, on a napkin … you get my point. I was on an airplane and had the total hots for my flight attendant. Oh, that cocktail napkin was for the pretzels? I thought it was a convenient way for me to leave my number …
With a little spice: leave your number in lipstick. Same concept as the last one, just a little more fun. For extra points, leave a little kiss too. *wink wink*
For the bold: write your number on a paper airplane, name the airplane “S.S. Cute Chick,” and throw it at the tip bucket for his band. Believe it or not, this one was successful, even though my multiple attempts at actually getting the airplane into the bucket were … not.
I will be the first to tell you that it won’t always go well. Sometimes, you’ll leave your number for a guy who turns out to be a total waste of a scribbled-on napkin. Other times, you’ll simply get silence. And that’s okay! I think it’s really important for women to get used to this simple, gentle kind of rejection – the kind that just stings for a few moments. Giving ourselves the chance to hope, and fail, keeps our hearts tender and allows us to weather the deeper rejections so we can keep our heart open for when the real thing comes along. And a bonus – we learn how to be more graceful when we’re the ones doing the rejecting.
“But Kelsey, aren’t men supposed to be the ones pursuing us?”
Well, sure. But if we want to leave our old-fashioned, fifties-esque (not to mention unequal and belittling) ideas of relationships in the past, why wouldn’t we do the same to how we start relationships? I’m not suggesting that men shouldn’t pursue women or that women don’t deserve to be pursued, but I am suggesting that it takes a little effort from both parties. We want these healthy, balanced, equal relationships where we make decisions and pursue our passions together and consider the others needs above our own. But how can we expect all of that to seamlessly happen the moment we put the label of “bf/gf” on the relationship if we don’t model it in all the moments leading up to it? I’m all for being pursued. It’s an amazing feeling when a man finds you interesting and actively tells you how he feels. I get it. But, can I suggest that maybe men like to feel that way too?
Ladies, all I’m suggesting is that we take a little chance, express a little interest, and give him the opportunity to make the next move.
Now hear me, you don’t have to give your number to everyone. That’s unwise. But be brave, shoot your shot, and let him know you’re interested. The bottom line here is simple. Just like you can’t complain about the outcome of the election if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about your unsuccessful dating life if you don’t ever put yourself out there.
So, slide into those DM’s.
