Let me tell you guys, I'm such a sucker. I've come to the realization that one of my greatest qualities doubles as my greatest weakness. I believe people. I think the best about them. And believe me, this does not always bode well for my heart.
Two of my favorite comedians on the podcast "My Favorite Murder" live by the mantra: "Stay Sexy and Don't Get Murdered." Though I listen to this podcast twice weekly, I can promise you I'd probably go back to the "nice" guy's apartment where he would presumably stick me in a basement and leave me for dead because he told me I'm unlike anyone he's ever met.
Listen, I understand dating is hard. I feel that at my core way too often, so I always want to give the poor sap on the internet, in the bar, or across the hall, the benefit of the doubt. "Well maybe you just need to get to know him!" "Don't be so judgmental, give him a chance!" "He's not THAT short" are all thoughts that are constantly running through my head. Did I swipe left on the guy who was my soulmate? Did I freak out because he was being so pushy over text when in reality he would've been my perfect match? AM I GOING TO SCREW THIS UP FOR MYSELF?
(This is also where I could interject and say that if I was truly trusting God in all of this, I wouldn't be so paralyzed or rather, willing to act on these fears. But I digress.)
Here's the rub though. My initial reaction is usually right. The guy who got way to intense over text? Sure, he was nice, but the date was so bad and he talked so much about himself that I was thinking up all of the emergencies I could make up to get out of the date. The endless string of guys who tell me some version of the following (in a first interaction): "you're unlike anyone I've ever met" "I've never felt this way about anyone," undoubtably have used the same line on countless other women and have a singular goal that does not involve a happily ever after for me.
But I fall for it every. flippin. time. I'm learning to give myself a break and not pound my head into the wall when I fall for the same thing time after time, but I'm also honing my BS'o'meter so that I can take one look at the guy who says I'm "just so sexy" in the first ten minutes of meeting me and give him a big NOPE.
A few other lessons I've learned (the hard way):
probably don't go home with someone the first time you meet them (even if you've clearly set your boundaries)
trust your gut
and more importantly, listen to your friends
just because he's nice/charming/complimentary doesn't mean you owe him anything
forgo the chance to feel cherished if it comes with a not-so-great guy
in other words, wait for the one that will cherish you for longer than 24 hours
Due to my own no-always-intelligent decisions, I have ended up in a host of awkward or even hurtful situations in the name of wanting to believe the best in people. But here's the thing, sometimes people don't also want the best for you. Some people are just looking for the thing or person that will fill their needs/wants/desires and don't consider where that leaves you. And if it's one-sided, someone is ending up heartbroken. I'm learning it's okay to protect yourself, and if he's really your future dreamboat, the wrong left swipe won't rule him out of your life forever.
